im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.