i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores