You work out of a Hotel?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
