what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
