i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.