Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?