her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
