She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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