i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
