I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.