oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.