idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients