Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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