i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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