i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
