he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
