In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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