Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
