Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
