Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
