how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
