i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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