so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
