How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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