chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
