I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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