My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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