and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
