So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
