I just cut my nipple shaving
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
