It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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