you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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