checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
