I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
