Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
