i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
