I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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