i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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