Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
