I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
