so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
