Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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