i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
