You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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