my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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