is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
