i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
