u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
