Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
