Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
