i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
