We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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