I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think i have two assholes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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