Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
