I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
