I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
