i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
