So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
