Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
