Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
