I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
