Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My life is pants optional.
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