Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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