I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
