he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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