his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
