i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
