I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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