it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this just has baby written all over it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
