AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
