I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
