Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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