My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
