This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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