bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
