Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
