Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
