Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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