So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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