I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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