the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize