I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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