So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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