I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize